I’m writing a play, a verse drama. It’s true. I plan on finishing it by the end of April, then using the whole month of May to revise it. By June, it will be ready for production. I’m serious about this.

Sonnet 4
by William Shakespeare

Unthrifty loveliness, why dost thou spend
Upon thy self thy beauty’s legacy?
Nature’s bequest gives nothing, but doth lend,
And being frank she lends to those are free.
Then, beauteous niggard why dost thou abuse,
The bounteous largess given thee to give?
Profitless usurer, why dost thou use
So great a sum of sums yet canst not live?
For having traffic with thyself alone,
Thou of thyself thy sweet self dost deceive.
Then how when nature calls thee to be gone,
What acceptable audit canst thou leave?
Thy unused beauty must be tombed with thee,
Which usèd, lives th’ executor to be.

I predict this will be the biggest fashion trend of 2007: Nude Suits. Stop letting your friends and co-workers imagine you naked and just give them what they want. This year is the year of total exposure. For realz.

“Nude as the News”
by Cat Power

I still have a flame gun
For the cute cute cute ones

And I saw your hand
With a loose grip
On a tight ship

I still have a flame gun
For the cute ones
To burn out all your tricks
And I saw your hand
With a loose grip
On a very tight ship

And I know
That in the cold light
There’s a very big man
There’s a very big man
Leading us into
Temptation

Jackson, Jesse, I’ve got a son in me
Jackson, Jesse, I’vee got a son in me

And he’s related to you
He’s related to you
He is waiting to meet you

He’s related to you
He’s related to you
He is dying to meet you

Backhand, role reversal
Where is someone
Backhand, reversable roles
I know there’s someone

I still have a flame gun
For the cute ones
To burn out all your tricks
And I saw your hand
With a loose grip
On such a tight ship

And I know that in the cold light
Is a very big man
Leading us into
Temptation

Jackson, Jesse, I’ve got a son in me
Jackson, Jesse, I’ve got the son in me

And he’s related to you
He’s related to you
He is waiting to meet you

He’s related to you
He’s related to you
He is dying to meet you

He’s related to you, he’s related to you
He’s related to you, he’s nude as the news

Nude as the news, nude as the news, nude as the news
All over, all over, all over, all over, all over, all over, all over you

“New York”
by Valzhyna Mort

new york, madame,
is a monument to a city

it is
TA-DA
a gigantic pike
whose scales
bristled up stunned

and what used to be just smoke
found a fire that gave it birth

champagne foam
melted into metal
glass rivers
flowing upwards
and things you won’t tell to a priest
you reveal to a cabdriver

even time is sold out
when to the public’s “wow” and “shhh”
out of a black top hat
a tailed magician
is pulling new york out
by the ears of skyscrapers

Translated from the Belarusian by Franz Wright & Elizabeth Oehlkers Wright

So, this girl the other night was talking about how she hooked up (you know, slang for had sex) with Justin Timberlake in Arizona a few weeks ago and had to sign papers saying she wouldn’t go to press or sue or something like that, but there’s something more important than celebrity/local gossip, and that’s National Poetry Month.

It’s that time of year, when you all get your daily (except weekends) dose of poetry bliss. Hang on kids, because you’re about to hook up with some powerful poems. I hope you brought protection.

“This Be the Verse”
by Philip Larkin

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.

Sure, this poem is Larkin 101, but I thought I start easy on you, let you get comfortable with the groove, before it starts getting rough. Pleasurably rough.

“… there are mansions almost as fine as any on Dallas’s tony Swift Avenue …”

That would be Swiss Avenue, Ms. Swartz.

Dallas Does Dallas

For the longest time, I’ve felt guilty for not reading certain books considered classics or starting books and never finishing them. According to Lennard J. Davis’ article in The Chronicle of Higher Education, I shouldn’t feel this way.

In Davis’ well-written and short piece, he really caught my attention with these lines:

I like to read four or five books at once. It’s like being at a horse race–only one or two of the books might win. I don’t feel committed to finishing every book I start, and, in a way, isn’t it the writer’s fault if I’m not pulled along? I’m an inveterate book buyer, but like many collectors I don’t always think the proof of the pudding is in the reading. I’ve got some beautiful volumes that I will probably never read.

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Blooker prize honours best blogs

Book on women’s sex ‘hookups’ draws fire

Literary Feud! NYTBR Smacks Up The New Yorker On…Poetry

Sex sells, and now tourism bureaus are embracing the ages-old marketing concept.

Two examples:

The Downtown Dallas Association “Where’s Your D Spot?” campaign, and the Tourism Victoria (Canada) “Your Search For The Perfect Orgasm Is Over” ad. Apparently, the Victoria ad is to market their quality food & beverage offerings.

Yes, food is exactly what I think of when I see the word orgasm. Okay…maybe I do think of food…steak…pie…

A lot of my friends know how much I hate police officers that stand on the side of the road with their radar guns, seeking to pull someone over in order to up their ticket quotas for the month. Cops who participate in this practice are a bunch of pussies. If they were real cops, they’d drive around in their cars or on their motorcycles and pull people over that way. Standing out in the middle of the road and waving down motorists who they think they caught on their radar guns is shameful and sickening.

But now, police have another way of getting money from everyday citizens who are just trying to get to work, their kids to school, or picking up food for dinner. I’m talking about the obscured license plate law.

Though it’s been on the books for years, the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals recently upheld the law, and now, you law-abiding citizens that have license plate frames around your back plate can get pulled over and ticketed.

Here’s the story in the Dallas Morning News.

As my co-worker said, “Thank god they’re cracking down on this because that must mean that all the drug dealers and murderers have been caught.”

Fellow Texans, if you disagree with this law please visit Texas Legislature Online, locate who represents you, and write her or him. Let your voice be heard. Remember, there are more of us than there are of cops.

Long-time fishing buddies get down to business with S&M Tool

Making beer better for you day by day.

Liquor shop churns out beer from milk

Oh yeah, I’m still in Australia at AIME 2007. Melbourne is a cool city. I haven’t had a lot of time to explore it much, but I will on Friday and Saturday. There’s a place here called The Dallas Bar. I may just have to check it out.

By the way, Australians love their wine. I’ve had about a gallon poured down my throat in 3 days. I’m not complaining though. Good times.

1) I recently visited Los Angeles for the first time. While I enjoyed Venice (not the beach), Santa Monica, and Pasadena, I was disappointed in the the traffic issues in L.A. I know that that’s probably a common complaint. Seriously, though, with as much money that is in that city and as much as people there care about clean air and a better environment, can’t someone get the ball rolling on a better transportation infrastructure?

And don’t get me started on the service industry (e.g., wait staff). For years, I’ve heard that Dallas is like L.A., only smaller. I disagree. Dallas is like L.A., only nicer.

Still, the people the plus one and I hung out with were great and very hospitable. I’d go back again, and this time I won’t have any illusions about it.

2) Calla comes out with their new album on 20 February, and I’m excited. With every new release they expand and push themselves creatively, as any important artist should. Check out their first single, “Bronson,” available on their Web site.

3) I leave for Melbourne, Australia, tomorrow for a work trip. If you’re nice to me, I may bring you back a magnet. Or a kangaroo.