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The Best Persuasive Phrase

Posted on 2013/03/202013/03/21 by Jason Hensel

There’s a great, simple phrase to use for anyone looking to persuade others. In fact, it’s so easy it’s hard to believe it isn’t used more often (then again, it might lose its power). The phrase is, “But you are free.”

PSYBlog explains it:

This simple approach is all about reaffirming people’s freedom to choose. When you ask someone to do something, you add on the sentiment that they are free to choose.

By reaffirming their freedom you are indirectly saying to them: I am not threatening your right to say no. You have a free choice.

The exact words used are not especially important. The studies have shown that using the phrase “But obviously do not feel obliged,” worked just as well as “but you are free”.

What is important is that the request is made face-to-face: the power of the technique drops off otherwise. Even over email, though, it does still have an effect, although it is somewhat reduced.

I’ve always believed that freedom is the best way to keep someone. Consider this: If someone gave you complete freedom to do what you want, wouldn’t you stay with that person as opposed to being controlled by someone else? Autonomy is an amazing aphrodisiac.

Give it a shot. Include “but you are free” when putting up a persuasive argument, and let me know in the comments how it worked for you.

(h/t to Farnam Street. Image via Flickr: AskMeAboutLoom/Creative Commons.)

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What It Takes to Persuade People

Posted on 2013/02/082013/02/08 by Jason Hensel

It’s Friday, and I feel like watching online videos. This is a really good one that explains, via Aristotle, what it takes to persuade people. I don’t want to give away the video’s content, but get ready to learn three means of persuasion. Don’t worry, it’s easy learning.

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Are You a But Leader?

Posted on 2013/01/212013/01/23 by Jason Hensel

The first rule of improv is “yes and.” There are other rules, or rather guidelines, however “yes and” is the one and only rule that truly matters. Without agreeing to the reality presented to you, progress trips over itself, and you and your co-performer are left staring at each other.

Much like improv performers, company leaders and managers should learn the “yes and” rule and stick it in their hearts. I’m flabbergasted at the number of times over the years I’ve experienced a “yes but” manager. Maybe there’s a “yes but” class at MBA schools, or maybe mentors train managers in the art of “yes but.”

Stop the “yes but” cycle of abuse, I say!

No one likes to have an idea agreed to with conditions. When you do that, you stop progress. The employee starts immediately placing restrictions on ideas. It’s more fruitful to agree and add to the proposal.

Of the following examples, tell me which is better:

Employee: “I plan to recycle all the aluminum cans in the break room.”
Manager: “Great, but that’s a lot of cans and you’ll have to do it all yourself.”

Employee: “I plan to recycle all the aluminum cans in the break room.”
Manager: “Great, and I know a place you can take them that offers the most money.”

If you’re truly a leader, or want to be one, you’ll see the benefit of contributing to an idea and moving forward rather than holding back and letting fear, doubt, or pessimism dictate your decisions.

The great improv teacher Del Close once said to “follow the fear.” What he meant by that is you should go toward what makes you uncomfortable, do things that scare you. For a lot of leaders, agreeing to an idea wholeheartedly scares the snot out of them. That’s exactly what they should do, though. Agreement isn’t the endgame, however. You have to add to the conversation, move it forward.

Do me a favor. This week, with everyone you interact with, make “yes and” a part of every conversation. It will seem uncomfortable and forced at first. Over time, though, it will become instinctual. After the week is over, reflect and let me know if you feel happier with your decisions and that life is moving forward.

If you’re creating an atmosphere of agreement, I can guarantee that your employees will agree to follow you. If you’re a but leader, though, employees will find any excuse to counter your decisions. Don’t be a “yes but” leader. Be a “yes and” leader.

(Image via Flickr: visualpun.ch / Creative Commons)

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How to Finish What You Started

Posted on 2013/01/032013/01/03 by Jason Hensel

My friend, L-, wrote me an email the other day that included no greeting or closing. It only said, “Finish what you started, Jason.” I know exactly what it’s about. Nevertheless, it was ominous.

What L- wrote about was a play that I’ve meant to revise for a few months. L- was prodding me to complete the script so that it could be performed soon. Still, when I received the email, I thought, “Oh no, if I don’t finish everything I’ve started, something bad will happen to me. I may, in fact, die before reaching my goals.” Dramatic? Yes. Warranted? No. There’s no reason to freak out over every goal not met. That’s why we’ve been endowed with the good gift of justification.

There are some steps, though, you can take if you’re really bent on finishing what you started, courtesy of Ali Luke, a writer and writing coach.

Stop starting new projects
Access your current projects
Choose one project to focus on
Decide what “finished” will look like
Set some milestones (and start hitting them)

Those appear reasonable and doable. For this play I’m writing, I’m going to focus only on it the next two weeks, concentrating on producing at least two polished pages a day. Then I’ll be ready to send L- the script. Of course, I’ll attached an equally ominous note, something like, “Read carefully what you’ve been given, L-.”

Please read Ali Luke’s blog entry on writetodone.com for in-depth analysis of each step, and please let me know in the comments the best ways you finish what you started.

(Image via Flickr: marcus_jb1973 / Creative Commons)

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Are You Awakening Possibilities in Others?

Posted on 2012/12/312012/12/31 by Jason Hensel

The year is winding down, and I’m sure many of you are making plans and promises for next year. For example, like many writers, I’m planning on writing more.

However, there is one plan I will work hard at achieving next year, and that is to help awaken possibility in people. No, this isn’t some New Age-Kumbaya goal. It’s simply an effort to help others see how powerful they can be on their own. It’s a positive take on my philosophy that we don’t need hierarchies (in business or life) in order to be productive or better people.

I thought of this resolution yesterday when I was re-watching a classic TED video (embedded below) from musician and conductor Benjamin Zander on the transformative power of classical music. Toward the end of his presentation, he talks about you can tell if you’re awaking another’s spirit.

Now, I had an amazing experience. I was 45 years old, I’d been conducting for 20 years, and I suddenly had a realization. The conductor of an orchestra doesn’t make a sound. My picture appears on the front of the CD, but the conductor doesn’t make a sound. He depends, for his power, on his ability to make other people powerful. And that changed everything for me. It was totally life changing. People in my orchestra came up to me and said, “Ben, what happened?” That’s what happened. I realized my job was to awaken possibility in other people. And of course, I wanted to know whether I was doing that. And you know how you find out? You look at their eyes. If their eyes are shining, you know you’re doing it.

I think we’re all searching for excitement in life and avoiding routine when we can. Perhaps if we all help awaken possibilities in each other, we’ll have much more fulfilled and happier lives. That’s my goal for next year. What’s yours?

(Image via Flickr: Chris James / Creative Commons)

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Micro-Management is My Kryptonite

Posted on 2012/11/202012/11/19 by Jason Hensel

Inc.com recently ran a story titled “10 Leadership Practices to Stop Today,” by Paul Spiegelman. It’s a great piece, and I agree with all 10 recommendations, especially No. 1: “Out: Micro-management, or the need to control every aspect of your company. In: Empowerment, the ability to give your people some rope–even rope to make mistakes without blame.”

Perhaps it’s because I’m a writer, someone who makes his scratch in the creative arts, but micro-management is the Kryptonite to my creativity and productivity. Whenever I’m being micro-managed, I feel less empowered, less trusted, and more like a slave.

In fact, researchers from Harvard Business School and Rice University did a study last year and found that “workers perform just fine when managers don’t keep close tabs on them, and that workers are more likely to be fearful of experimenting when their managers micromanage; as a result, the employees learn less and performance suffers,” as reported by Kimberly Weisul for CBS News.

The struggle for me is knowing how to handle micro-management. Sure, I play along and let managers know everything I’m doing down to the last detail. But I can only allow myself to do that for so long before I become either depressed or angry. Neither of those are good for my health or career.

What does one do? How have you handled micro-managing in your career? How can a lower-level employee convince leadership that a lack of autonomy is stifling creativity, productivity, and a healthy mental state?

(Image via Flickr: ZaCky / Creative Commons)

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Why Ask Why?

Posted on 2012/11/052012/11/06 by Jason Hensel

I once had a boss that said we should always ask why three times. I never took up the recommendation to her face, but the advice has stuck with me for many years.

When you ask why questions, as opposed to how questions, you open people up to a more abstract way of thinking.

“‘Why’ questions make people think more in terms of the big picture, more in terms of intentions and goals, whereas more concrete ‘how’ questions are focused on something very specific, something right in front of you, basically,” said University of Illinois psychology professor Jesse Preston.

Preston, along with two other researchers, recently conducted a study to test abstract thinking’s influence on political beliefs. They used the Islamic community center and mosque in New York because it’s a strong polarizing issue.

The first study showed that after viewing a plane fly into the World Trade Center, conservatives and liberals held opposing views of the mosque at ground zero.

The second study, however, had participants answer three why questions or three how questions in a row on an unrelated subject before offering their views about the mosque.

Preston says the why questions (not the how questions) brought liberals and conservatives closer together.

“We observed that liberals and conservatives became more moderate in their attitudes,” Preston said. “After this very brief task that just put them in this abstract mindset, they were more willing to consider the point of view of the opposition.

“We tend to think that liberals and conservatives are on opposite sides of the spectrum from each other and there’s no way we can get them to compromise, but this suggests that we can find ways of compromising,” Preston continued. “It doesn’t mean people are going to completely change their attitudes, because these are based on pervasive beliefs and world views. But it does mean that you can get people to come together on issues where it’s really important or perhaps where compromise is necessary.”

Asking why questions isn’t limited to politics. It can be used in the workplace, too, granted that you have a supervisor who is open to other viewpoints. The best ones are open and will have good answers for all three of your why questions.

And if they don’t, continue asking why.

BONUS: Here’s a clip from Lucky Louie showing that by asking why one can really get to the true reason behind something.

(Story quotes from the University of Illinois. Image via Flickr: Brendio / Creative Commons.)

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Cross Post: Just a Little Patience

Posted on 2012/10/302012/11/01 by Jason Hensel

If you didn’t know already, I also write for the Dallas Comedy House’s blog, The DCH Rimshot! Yesterday, I wrote something that, while it directed at improvisers, it can be applied to any one who feels like he or she has never been given a fair shot.

Here’s what I wrote:

The other day I was checking out the ol’ Tumblr and came across a post via Improv is Easy citing The Broken Record. The post was about famed improv instructor Mick Napier and a two-word phrase he uses to remind people that improv “is the least important thing we’ll ever do in our lives and that even the name ‘longform’ is imbued with undue importance that impedes our ability to be free and just play.”

The post’s author goes on to write that Napier’s two-word motto will be her two-word motto going forward. After reading it, I believe I’ll make it my motto as well. And you may want to consider it, also.

The part of her post that really hit home was this declaration: “I won’t compare myself to my peers and feel jealous or envious when good things happen to other talented people. I will be patient in my own progress.”

I’ve been involved with DCH for almost three years, and being patient with my progress is something I’ve struggled with. I’m sure many of you have, too. You may see your friends being asked to be part of troupes. You may see others creating cool videos. And you may be wondering why it isn’t “happening” for you.

But you see, everyone’s educational path is different. Some improvisers get it right from the start, while some need more time to grow. The one deciding factor for success, I promise you, is consistent commitment. If you’re serious about the art form and you want to succeed (your definition of success is your own), then don’t worry so much about how well others are doing. Yes, please support them and sincerely congratulate them–we’re all a family here–but stop comparing yourself so much to others. Work on yourself at the pace that is natural for you and your strengths will be noticed.

It’s not a competition at DCH. It’s a group effort toward success. And I know it may sound backwards to say this, but sometimes the best thing you can do for a group is to work on yourself first. You have to be good to help the group be good, and the group can only be as good as the individual members.

I think we can all use a motto that reminds us to just let it go, that some things in life aren’t worth worrying over. That’s something that has taken me many years to understand, and I’m finally getting it.

What’s your life’s motto?

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