A lot of my friends know how much I hate police officers that stand on the side of the road with their radar guns, seeking to pull someone over in order to up their ticket quotas for the month. Cops who participate in this practice are a bunch of pussies. If they were real cops, they’d drive around in their cars or on their motorcycles and pull people over that way. Standing out in the middle of the road and waving down motorists who they think they caught on their radar guns is shameful and sickening.

But now, police have another way of getting money from everyday citizens who are just trying to get to work, their kids to school, or picking up food for dinner. I’m talking about the obscured license plate law.

Though it’s been on the books for years, the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals recently upheld the law, and now, you law-abiding citizens that have license plate frames around your back plate can get pulled over and ticketed.

Here’s the story in the Dallas Morning News.

As my co-worker said, “Thank god they’re cracking down on this because that must mean that all the drug dealers and murderers have been caught.”

Fellow Texans, if you disagree with this law please visit Texas Legislature Online, locate who represents you, and write her or him. Let your voice be heard. Remember, there are more of us than there are of cops.

Long-time fishing buddies get down to business with S&M Tool

Making beer better for you day by day.

Liquor shop churns out beer from milk

Oh yeah, I’m still in Australia at AIME 2007. Melbourne is a cool city. I haven’t had a lot of time to explore it much, but I will on Friday and Saturday. There’s a place here called The Dallas Bar. I may just have to check it out.

By the way, Australians love their wine. I’ve had about a gallon poured down my throat in 3 days. I’m not complaining though. Good times.

1) I recently visited Los Angeles for the first time. While I enjoyed Venice (not the beach), Santa Monica, and Pasadena, I was disappointed in the the traffic issues in L.A. I know that that’s probably a common complaint. Seriously, though, with as much money that is in that city and as much as people there care about clean air and a better environment, can’t someone get the ball rolling on a better transportation infrastructure?

And don’t get me started on the service industry (e.g., wait staff). For years, I’ve heard that Dallas is like L.A., only smaller. I disagree. Dallas is like L.A., only nicer.

Still, the people the plus one and I hung out with were great and very hospitable. I’d go back again, and this time I won’t have any illusions about it.

2) Calla comes out with their new album on 20 February, and I’m excited. With every new release they expand and push themselves creatively, as any important artist should. Check out their first single, “Bronson,” available on their Web site.

3) I leave for Melbourne, Australia, tomorrow for a work trip. If you’re nice to me, I may bring you back a magnet. Or a kangaroo.

There’s a person with the same first name as Long Division who reminded me the other night that I haven’t been updating my blog. She spoke the truth, as you can tell.

When I get back from my upcoming trip that starts tomorrow, I’ll get back on the daily posting wagon.

Handshake? Good.

When did Eddie Van Halen start composing porn film music?

From the recent AVN Awards (propably dont’ want to look at that site at work, unless you get to work from home, you lucky bastard):

Best Music – Sacred Sin (Ninn Worx), Eddie Van Halen and Loren Alexander

Oh, here is the story.

Eddie, you’ve just upped your cool factor by one.

Some stories for discussion, if you wish, all from The New York Times.

• Fifty-one Percent of Women Are Now Living Without Spouse
• A New, More Accessible T. S. Eliot
• The Voices in My Head Say ‘Buy It!’ Why Argue?

It’s that time of year again when I start thinking of getting my master of arts degree in English.

Since I work full time, I’d love to find one that can be completed online. I’ve searched and searched, and I’ve come up with one program. At Morehead State University in Kentucky. Online gradute program in English.

This looks to be a pretty good program, but what I want to know is why is there only one? It seems like English would be very easy to teach online. Nowadays, people can get upper level degrees in business, engineering and nursing. NURSING! Surely, teaching English has to be easier than teaching nursing online.

If anyone knows of more online graduate English programs out there, please let me know.

I’ve already taken the first step and purchased a GRE for Dummies book.

Geoff Johnston gave my band some recognition in this week’s Dallas Observer. He names us as one of five local bands to look forward to in 2007 in his article, 5 x 2 = 10.

Being up front: I know Geoff. I’ve known him for almost 10 years. He started writing for the Observer last year and he had a personal rule that he wouldn’t write about his friends’ bands. I think it’s a good rule; still, it’s nice to see him relent a little and do the same thing other writers at that paper have been practicing for years.

Here’s what he wrote.

Ashburne Glen

Full disclosure: Awhile back we used to work at the Borders on Lovers Lane and Greenville Avenue with Jason Hensel, who until recently was the sole driving force behind mope-folk band Ashburne Glen. He swears up and down that it’s not a solo or singer-songwriter project, but that gloomy blend of Joy Division and Elliott Smith (with requisite minor-chord atmosphere and faux Brit accenting to match, natch) is pure Hensel. For years Ashburne Glen struggled with varying lineups and juggled various players, until a core unit finally materialized in 2006. Roommate/drummer Eric Grubbs and bassist Joshua Warr (Blackheart Society) brought fistfuls of thunder to accompany the blistering fretwork of Lance Pilgrim, singer-songwriter/guitarist for the Shapes and longtime OG (“Original Glenster”). Hensel may have had to relinquish some of the Glen’s more frail and dainty qualities, but in return he gets to front a pretty slammin’ rock outfit that’s starting to build some substantial steam.

Around March, I decided to read a book a week this year. I’m happy to report that I’ve reached that goal and even went over by one (maybe two if I finish Jack Kerouac’s The Dharma Bums by Sunday, which is totally possible).

Here is the list of books I read this past year.

13: A Journey Into the Number by Jonathan Cott
A History of the the World in Six Glasses by Tom Standage
A Streetcar Named Desire by Tennessee Williams
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle
Averno by Louise Gluck
Biginning with O by Olga Broumas
Black Zodiac by Charles Wright
Break, Blow, Burn by Camille Paglia
Constance by Jane Kenyon
Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky
Diving Into the Wreck by Adrienne Rich
Geek Love by Katherine Dunn
Gilgamesh by Stephen Mitchell (translator)
Hapax by A.E. Stallings
Jacklight by Louise Erdrich
Kicking the Leaves by Donald Hall
Late Wife by Claudia Emerson
Life of Pi by Yann Martel
Mercy by Lucille Clifton
Notable American Women by Ben Marcus
Peace is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh
Regarding Wave by Gary Snyder
Rhyme’s Reason by John Hollander
Saturday by Ian McEwan
Silk by Alessandro Baricco
Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
Songs of Experience by William Blake
Songs of Innocence by William Blake
Stars Which See, Stars Which Do Not See by Marvin Bell
Surviving the Moment of Impact by T. Cole Rachel
Swithering by Robin Robertson
The Apple that Astonished Paris by Billy Collins
The Art of Writing: Lu Chi’s Wen Fu by Lu Chi (translated by Sam Hamill)
The Baby Jesus Butt Plug by Carlton Mellick III
The Coma by Alex Garland
The Death of Ahasuerus by Par Lagerkvist
The Driver’s Seat by Muriel Spark
The Dumb Waiter by Harold Pinter
The Final Solution by Michael Chabon
The Game by Neil Strauss
The It-Doesn’t-Matter-Suit by Sylvia Plath
The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini
The Misanthrope by Moliere
The Night Abraham Called to the Stars by Robert Bly
The Odyssey by Homer
The Road by Cormac McCarthy
The Shape of Things by Neil LaBute
The Way Water Moves by John Brehm
The Whitsun Weddings by Philip Larkin
Two Trees by Ellen Bryant Voigt
Walking to Sleep by Richard Wilbur
What’s the Matter with Kansas? by Thomas Frank
Without Blood by Alessandro Baricco

I know it’s been awhile since I rapped with y’all, so to make up for my silence, I offer you my favorite rock/pop songs of 2006. I’ll make a CD-R of this collection, and if anyone would like a copy, please feel free to contact me via the comments section.

I originally had some songs on here that I thought were from 2006, but in fact, were from 2005. I must have heard them in late 2005 and thought they were from this year.

This list, though, is all 2006 and in no particular order (and it won’t be the order on the CD either).

“Did I Step on Your Trumpet?” by Danielson
“Loaded” by The Idle Hands
“Sea Foam” by Land of Talk
“Roscoe” by Midlake
“Prenzlauerberg” by Beirut
“The Wonder” by Figurines
“Van Helsing Boombox” by Man Man
“Furry Animal Furry” by Serenaide
“The Idea of Growing Old” by The Features
“Advice for Young Mothers to Be” by The Veils
“Sister Winter” by Sufjan Stevens
“Dog Problems” by The Format
“Sexy Back” by Justin Timberlake
“Whoo! Alright – Yeah … Uh Huh” by The Rapture
“Young Folks” by Peter Bjorn and John
“Ain’t It Strange” by Dr. Dog
“Piano Man” Ghostland Observatory
“Rod Stewart” The Lovely Features

I’m constantely fascinated by the unveiling of fake authors and/or stories. This past year has uncovered such fakes as J.T. LeRoy, Nasdijj, and James Frey.

Now, it appears that extremely popular author Augusten Burroughs is a fraud as well. If this accusation turns out to be true, will the book industry throw a sheet over the whole “memoir as a first book” practice? I surely hope so.

Scissors author accused as a fraud
By Carol Beggy & Mark Shanahan, Boston Globe Staff | December 5, 2006

Sure, A Million Little Pieces author James Frey is a fraud, but Augusten Burroughs is an even bigger phony. So says Buzz Bissinger, who blasts the best-selling author of Running With Scissors as a complete impostor in the new issue of Vanity Fair.

“I don’t know how [Burroughs] lives with himself,” Bissinger told us yesterday. “Running With Scissors contains little strands of fact that were wildly embellished, and if you take those away, you don’t have much of a book.”

Bissinger’s story, on newsstands next week, includes interviews with the Turcottes, the real-life western Massachusetts clan with whom Burroughs lived as a teen and who are characterized as more than kooky in the book. The family, which is suing Burroughs for defamation, claims he fabricated much of the memoir. (Burroughs has denied that, but wouldn’t talk to Bissinger about the suit.) Theresa Turcotte says her family debated whether to sue Burroughs.

“If you’re Clint Eastwood or Barbra Streisand or somebody else, you can just intimidate the [expletive] out of [a publisher],” she says. “But when you’re us, what are we going to do . . . go over and say, ‘You know, you hurt our feelings?'”

Bissinger, who wrote Friday Night Lights, believes Burroughs betrayed the Turcotte family.

“They took him in and did their best, and he turned around and wrote about them in the most vile way possible,” he said. “It’s totally gratuitous.”